This morning I found myself inspired to write, inspired by a comment left on my recent post, How To Declutter. The comment was from Hal Benz :
"We think people know what we mean when we ask them to declutter. They usually don't and become easily offended if we offer feedback on their efforts. Kinda like what happens when I ask my 14 year old to clean her room."
I think Hal has hit on something. I know I was guilty of repeatedly saying "clean your room" and getting no where but aggravated when it doesn't happen. Of course, it doesn't work. Our definition of "clean" and a teens definition are obviously light years apart.
I have an idea for a little experiment and I need some parents to participate. All you need is a teen.
A teen with a typical teen room:
This week, instead of making generalized demands like "clean your room" try being specific with your request.
"Could you please pick up the dirty laundry and put it in the laundry room, and put your clean clothes in the closet."
"Could you please put all those soda cans and the pizza box in the recycling."
I would love for you to report back with specific examples of your success or failure using this technique. I am very curious to see if we can make some magic happen!
Thanks, Hal - You may have saved a lot of parents from future frustration and some very expensive therapy!
One more thing...
Try talking "to" instead of "at" your teen. I was given this advice once years ago and it makes such a difference.
______________________________________________________________________________
For More Information Visit My Website
Professional Home Staging services for the New Hampshire Seacoast
Portsmouth Rye Greenland Hampton North Hampton Exeter Dover Stratham
603.661.8524
I think clarity is important, especially with the youngest. I have 4, and the 4th doesn't get the same explanation that the first ones did.
Sellers see their "stuff" as treasures and don't see the "clutter". They get so offended. Taking pictures and showing them how someone else is going to view each room may help. Late last year I showed a house listed by another in my office and you would have sworn you were in an antique shop. The owners of course would not put any "treasures" away and the house is still on the market.
Sharon - I agree. If you tell them exactly what you want done, they do it! Now I just say, "Clean your room like I want it clean", and they "get" it... :)
lol... agreed !
Especially for teens, but also applies with our clients. Spell out clearly what you are requesting - and why you think it will help, and there is much less room for error or defenses !!!
Nice post !
Sheldon
My "baby" is 19, so I'm almost out of the teen's Mom category- but ytou are right. Being very specific works much better- with teens, husbands, and even with Tenants.
Heath: You are so right, the age of the children will make a difference in how you ask, but the point remains...you have to be specific.
Treva: They have to pack it to take it with them when they move, why wouldn't they pre-pack and be out of there sooner? They can be so stubborn!
Debi: Ah, so you have reached the point where you can abbreviate. Kudos to you, you have trained them well.
Sheldon: Life doesn't have to always be difficult! Another thing to remember, choose your battles!
Leslie: I'm happy for you that you are almost out of the teens. My teen years ended a long time ago. My babies are all grown and soon will be having babies.
I think i am lucky all of mine are in college. Some times i still wish they were around. But a clean room all the time is nice.
Tom: Trust me, they will return. They always return back home at some point. Enjoy it while you can!
I love this post because this is our life! Our kids (we have 6 of them) range in age from 13 down to 10 months old. My husband and I used to get sooooo upset when asking the older kids to clean their rooms only to go up and look and see that it looked pretty similar to what it did prior to that child's "cleaning". Then, I started listing things out on a chore chart.
It made a WORLD of difference!! Not only has it reinforced with them the things that comprise "cleaning up," it also is a visual reminder of the things they need to do to their areas. For the smaller ones, we used pictures or give verbal directions. Works great and we are much, much less stressed about rooms!
~Renae
Renae: Gold stars to you and your husband. You are awesome! Now that's what I'm talking about!